B has been on 100mgms of peanut for the past week. Next week she will up-dose to 125 mgms. I miss the early days of dosing when the dose doubled each time... but at the same time, I know that we have to take it "low and slow" as the doctor puts it. Even though I would like to move faster, we specifically picked our doctor with the "low and slow" protocol because we felt it would be safer for B, with less side effects. So far, she has been doing great! Each time we return to the office for an updose, the nurse asks B if she has had any itchy mouth, tummy aches, etc. and each time B looks at her like "no, why would I"... lol!
It still feels surreal, to think that B is eating actual peanut. I have to pinch myself sometimes and my eyes well up with tears, not from the pain of just having pinched myself... but from the amazing journey that she is on. I absolutely believe with all my heart that this is the road she was meant to go down. I believe that God wanted this for her. I know that some of my friends and family don't believe in God, but everything that has happened in our lives that has lead us up to this point is just beyond coincidental.
I've had people ask me, and honestly I have wondered myself, why would God give B a life threatening allergy to nuts? I don't know that He causes things to happen, but rather allows them to happen. There is so much awfulness in the world, peanut allergies being just one of them. Why does B have this allergy? No one in our family has any type of food allergy, there's no reason for her to have it. Why did God allow this awful allergy? It makes our lives a thousand times harder than it has to be, and can take the life of our daughter in a split second. A preacher and friend, Tim Brown (who's son nearly lost his life when a basketball size boulder was thrown from the top of Fall Creek Falls by teens, hit his 3 year old son in the head) once said that God allows things to happen because all things are meant to bring glory to Him. I admit that it sounds pretty awful, and I don't fully understand that concept. I don't understand how a child being molested or women being raped, or innocent people being murdered can ever glorify Him, but somehow it does. It is all allowed, because certain circumstances bring people closer to God. Certain circumstances bring non-believers to God. Somehow, Brooke's life threatening allergy is bringing or is going to bring glory to God. Here is my take on it;
- Ever since Brooke was an itty bitty baby, she has not ever been able to be without me. I tried to return to full time work after she was 6 weeks old, but soon found that I couldn't. She would starve herself all day long, until I returned to nurse her. We tried different bottles, different nipples, etc. to no avail. She also would not sleep anywhere but in my arms. I listened to the advice of others and tried everything to get her to sleep on her own, and she just never would. I pretty much gave up my job at that point, and did so happily, to be a stay at home mom. I was the breadwinner of the family at that point, so it didn't make much sense... but Scott and I both knew it was the right thing to do. I only worked part time at night so that she would either be with me, or with her daddy. So, the night back in 2007 that we found out about B's life threatening peanut allergy, we were the ones to find her allergy... it wasn't found accidentally at some day care. She went into anaphylaxis in my presence, ME, the best possible person to find out about it (aside from a Dr. or nurse), as I had had training on emergency medicine and knew exactly what was happening, how severe it was, and what treatment was needed. I thank God every day that she was home with me when it happened, and not in a daycare, or church nursery, or even with just daddy. None of those people may have known what to do.
- That night that she went into anaphylaxis, we just happened to have children's Benadryl to give her... which saved her life. We had the Benadryl because 6 months earlier... she had a full blown rash after eating eggs. Had that not happened, we wouldn't have had the Benadryl, Brooke would have had to wait for EMT's to arrive... who knows what could have or might have happened? I don't even want to think about it... but I thank God every day that she had that minor reaction to eggs (an allergy she has since outgrown) so that we had the Benadryl to immediately administer to her.
- Fast forward to 2011, when my husband was threatened with losing his job due to a mission change at the AF guard base where he worked. I had to return to work, just in case he really did loose his job. B was attending a peanut free private school kindergarten, and I was staying home with my son. I asked for more hours at my job, but they didn't have any to give me. I started a job search, and looked for more work for over a month. Just when I was about to give up, an office called me with a full time offer. We enrolled my son at the same school B was going to, and I began working again. My husband did end up loosing his job, but it didn't happen for several months. In the meanwhile... my car kept breaking down and over heating and could not be fixed. Scott had already replaced the engine once... so we were ready to move on. Because we had been earning a dual income for the past several months, we had saved enough money to put down a decent amount on a new car. We traded in our piece of junk and bought a brand new car. Even with the threat of loosing his job, we were confident in our ability to pay mortgage and new car payment with just my salary. I thank God every day, that we now have a new, reliable car with which to drive to North Carolina every two weeks.
- Once the news came that Scott was definitely going to loose his job, he began looking for a new one. We had no idea where he would find one, but an incredible opportunity came up for him. Out of hundreds of applicants for this position, he was one of the few selected for interview. Out of the few interviewed, he was the one who got the job! I thank God every day for the opportunity He led Scott to. Before this job opportunity, there was no way that we could have ever considered doing OIT peanut therapy for B. It is a struggle now, but we are making it. Which leads me to;
- All the help we have received from others. Be it the friend who led me to look into OIT, or the friend I made who helped me think of ideas for fundraising, or be it the people who so graciously give items for a benefit garage sale, or be it those who have donated funds to us to help with the 25,000 we will need to spend on completing this 2 year journey... all of these people have been placed in our lives by God. I don't think anything is accidental. It all happens for a reason. I thank God everyday for the friends we have met and the people He has placed in our lives who care more about helping Brooke than even some of her own family members.
- There are so many other examples of reasons I know God is leading us down this journey of healing for Brooke. It can't all just be coincidental. I feel His love when I think about how we are spending 1,000.00+ a month for this treatment and wonder how it can be possible when we live from check to check. I feel His grace whenever B up-doses and has absolutely no issues with taking her daily dose of her poison. I thank God every day that that there is a treatment available, and that B is receiving it. Thank you to all of you who have loved my child enough to help, be it with prayers or donations of items or donations of money. I thank God everyday for all of you.
No comments:
Post a Comment